The Two Minutes of Hate series will chronicle something that I dislike and will take no more than two minutes to read. As well as keeping my opinions concise, this should stop me rambling on and committing a crime.
I love wrasslin’ and have done since I was a child. Even back then, at the end of the nineties, watching the greatest era in sports entertainment, I knew that it was fake, I knew those guys really didn’t hate each other (though later I would find that sometimes they did) and I knew that the women were just as badass as the dudes. For real. Watch Lita do a Swanton or a Moonsault on someone. That girl is tough as old boots.
When I came back to wrasslin’, back in 2014, I found that the women’s division (or the Divas championship as I refuse to call it) was flooded with talentless hacks who did not care about wrasslin’ and used it as a step-up to other things, usually movies, modelling or WWE’s own programming, Total Divas. We had the Funkadactyls (tag-team), the Bella Twins (tag-team), Emma (tagged with Santino Marella), Summer Rae and Layla (both tagged with Fandango) and Paige, who was amazing but underutilised.
The championship stuff was great because there was Dolph Ziggler (the reincarnation of Mr. Perfect as far as I’m concerned), Cesaro and Seth Rollins, the greatest wrester in the world. But the women’s matches were time for a toilet break, and I think a lot of people agreed with that. So, I started watching NXT and by Christ, there were the women I was looking for. Charlotte, Bayley, Becky Lynch, Sasha Banks, Alexa Bliss, all wonderful performers. A lot of them have moved up to the main roster, but back then, by Jesus, each match was A+, until they turned NXT into WWE Lite, but that’s another story.
So more women joined NXT and each match was wonderful until… Dana Brooke.
(Now, I am not going to speak about her as a human being, because Charlotte trains with her so she must be nice, and there are few shoot interviews with her. She comes across as genuine and charming on social media and Ashley Mae Sebera might well be a lovely lady, but this is not about Ms. Sebera, it’s about Ms. Brooke.)
Dana Brooke is talentless. There, I said it. She has never had a good match. Oh, the matches have been good, of course, but she has not been in them. She’s been tagging. Any singles match is either an uneventful squash or a clusterfuck. Botches, bad selling, no psychology, no God damn moves. She wears Converse to the ring. She is a wrestler and she wears Converse. She’s going to kill someone in the ring by mistake.
I have been following her closely because I want her to do well, I do. She has the capacity to be Chyna 2.0, but she lacks the talent, the flair, the love of the business. The NXT roster is teeming with women who can chain-wrassle, fire together moves and tell a story. Your woman can’t even shoot a promo without sounding like she’s reading off cue cards… as they are being written by some fellow off screen.
Dana BROOOOOOKE…. talks like THIS. Every WOOOOORD… or two… is just…. EMphaSISed.
They turned her heel because the crowd hated her, but that’s not good heat, it’s X-Pac heat, and that shit usually floors the men, so why not the women.
TIME: 1 min 58 sec